When it happen you can't even feel it. You don't know what to feel. You cry because parting never feel good. But you never understand why you cry, sad maybe?. Till one day you feel this nothingness yet solid, hollowness but heavy feeling all at once.
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Never like to talk about it. Never want to talk about it. I'm not good at it. Shameful of who I am that drove me to this. I never been close to you. I never try to understand you. Not even once I try to make an effort to be nicer to you. I did with a set of mind what need to be done and it is only right to do so. Sometimes I wonder what it's like 'if' I just make an effort. I never kiss you I never hug you only until you leave that I did all this. I am young and stupid. I have 17 years and not once I told you I love you. I just wish I did even just once. But I didn't. And I can't go to you now. If I can I want to give you a bear hug. I want to say thank you for having my back when the teachers hit me. Thank you for your effort to be the man in my life.  Thank you for not running away when it's hard. I know it must be hard and I know you tried your best too. Because you only a man and I only grasp all this now.
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Surprisingly I miss you. I can see more and more of you in me. How my brain works is definitely from you. My bad temper is also from you..you can't deny that.( haha tak tahu nak gelak or nak nangis.both lah) My passion for trees and outdoors is so you. I don't believe it either but guess what I just naturally do love it. My compassion for others is growing more and more like yours too. Always want to help even though it hurts yourself.
I am your daughter.
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Been thinking about you a lot
It's time for closure.
I am so sorry. One of the regrets that will always stays in my heart. Ayah.
#blogbanjir