mom: asu
me: hmm
mom: asu potong rambut pendek sesuai la nampak comey. hensem.. aah nampak hensem
me: yup. i know that since forever. (smirk face) wakakakakaka
.
.
.
please stay with us for a long time mother. i am scared that one day i wake up and you are not there anymore. that is one scary thought.

everything is clear
the smell
the colour
the uneven road

Today for the first time she actually feel something. Sad or pain or fear maybe all of it. It's still blurry.
.
It's suffocating. She can't really breath. Her heart beating too fast it hurt. And she want to cry so bad. So she did.
.
Because today she saw the pain of her mother's. Today she feel the mother's sadness Today she clearly capture the view of her mother's fear. Today she learn. Today she understand.
.
Oh Dear God.
Oh dear brain. Don't go and just bam on me like that. The rate of understanding is just crazy. I just saw everything too clearly. All the emotion. EVERYTHING. Slow down a bit. Am nothing but just a man trying to keep my sanity. Balance. So..fucking slow it down a bit. Am getting a headache now
.
She can't feel it most the time. But she can see it. Understand it.
.
It broke her heart. Feeling so powerless. Nothing can be done to ease the mother's pain. So she cry.
Again.
.
Oh brain you're so fucked up.
What am I gonna do with you?
.
someone told her last night. "how lucky to be her. wanted to be her wanted to borrow her for once. don't feel don't care."
.
*smirking*
try being her? come
come and try it.
give it your best.
it's not easy taming a beast. come
come and try it.
everyday all day.
it's very dark place. come
come and try it
to live with nothingness.
it's very FUN to just have a gaze on everything
come and try it.
maybe you can give your little brain some exercise.
.
i'll be here. if you want
hmm hmm hmm hmmmm
hmm hmm hmmmm hmmmm
let's
hope
you
survive
the
FUN
ride.