I don't get high, but sometime I wish I did.

No one gets too old to learn a new way of being stupid.

*****
area pukul 4 pagi kot..tersedar dari tidur. tersedar dari mimpi
tersedar je..aku perasan mulut aku sedang bertakbir
ingatkan dalam mimpi jer bertakbir
rupanya memang real life pun bertakbir jugak.

MIMPI:
lokasi rumahku
terbangun dari tidur
che (mak) pun terbangun tidur
rasa macam tak selesa..macam ada sesuatu yang serba tak kena
cakap kat mak keluar la tengok ape benda kat luar bilik
mak cakap tak berani jugak.
aku dan che (cam se geng lak bunyi nya) hikhik
keluar bilik nak tengok ape jadi...
round lah satu rumah, tak de ape pun.
masuk bilik balik--
sekali teringat eh xtutup lampu kat ruang tamu
keluar balik bilik--
sekali semua lampu tutup
gelap gelita--
kemusykilan melanda
jantung dah macam nak pecah berdebar
sekali che cakap..
keluar la tengok ape..kenape
aku jalan depan
che jalan belakang aku
rumah nya besau...kenapalah~~ (lain kali buat rumah kecik je)
jalan lah nak pergi dekat main suis
jalan dengan penuh berdebar
ntah dari mana datangnya semangat
berani
dan tiba2 bertakbir
sepanjang perjalanan (rumah aku mmg besar)
rasa meremang bulu roma
rasa macam ada benda
rasa tak selesa tapiiiii
takde pape
lepas pasang balik suis tu...lampu on balik.
lega~~
pusing belakang tengok che.

che:
kau tak nampak pape ke?
aku:
tak. kenape?
che:
che je lah nampak eh....
aku:
nampak ape? berdebar
che: che nampak tiga orang lelaki berjubah putih berkopiah jalan sekali dengan kau sepanjang jalan tadi.
aku:
che tak tanya ke dia?
che:
che tengok jer..nak tanya jugak. tapi lelaki tu pusing tengok che dia senyum jer. sepanjang kau bertakbir..dia ada lah sekali bertakbir.
aku:
okayyyy...biar je lah.(ayat favorat)

rasa pelik lagi...
aku dan che keluar bilik lagi..
kali ni memang pelik. che macam berdebar sangat
aku bertakbir lagi dengan penuh berani
tengok mata asu che! (bertakbir bertakbir bertakbir)
mata che makin lama makin berubah
light coklat makin lama makin jadi warna pelik
makin lama makin jadi warna kuning..
makin lama makin besar...
aku bertakbir bertakbir bertakbir
HAH
buka mata terus...mulut bertakbir lagi.

then lari pergi tidur dengan mak..hahahahha. (penakut hangit)


azan subuh:
celik je mata..
keluar bilik..
happy birthday to you
happy birthday to you..
che bawak kek birthday.
adoiii..mamai mamai
bukan nak tiup lilin
sibuk je aku menanya..bila beli kek? beli kat mana?
kena marah....
tiup lilin.

YEAY.....
feeling 22
feeling Ohsem
feeling freak
feeling great
feeling gruesome gooood
feeling annoyed
feeling sad
feeling roartastic
feeling sick....

bilalah nak hilang sakit ni. bukan nak mengeluh. just nak mengadu.
bukan pada orang lain... just need to let it out.

1 - THE ORIGINATOR
1 's are originals. Coming up with new  ideas and executing them is natural. Having things their
own way is another trait that gets them as being stubborn and arrogant. 1's are extremely honest
and do well to learn some diplomacy skills. They like to take the initiative and are often leaders or bosses, as they like to be the best.. Being self-employed is definitely helpful for them. Lesson to learn:  Others' ideas might be just as good or better  and to stay open minded.

2 - THE PEACEMAKER
2's are the born diplomats. They are aware of  others' needs and moods and often think of
others before themselves. Naturally analytical  and very intuitive they don't like to be alone.
Friendship and companionship is very important  and can lead them to
be successful in life, but on the other hand they'd rather be alone than in an uncomfortable
relationship. Being naturally shy they should learn to boost their self-esteem and express
themselves freely and seize the moment and not  put things off.
3 - THE LIFE OF THE PARTY
3's are idealists. They are very creative, social, charming, romantic, and easygoing. They
start many things, but don't always see them through. They like others to be happy and go to
great lengths to achieve it. They are very  popular and idealistic. They should learn to see
the world from a more realistic point of view.

4 - THE CONSERVATIVE
4's are sensible and traditional. The like order  and routine. They only act when they fully
understand what they are expected to do. They  like getting their hands dirty and working hard.
They are attracted to the outdoors and feel an  affinity with nature. They are prepared to wait
and can be stubborn and persistent. They should  learn to be more flexible and to be nice to
themselves.

5 - THE NONCONFORMIST
5's are the explorers. Their natural curiosity,  risk taking, and enthusiasm often land them in
hot water. They need diversity, and don't like  to be stuck in a rut. The whole world is their
school and they see a learning possibility in every situation. The questions never stop. They
are well advised to look before they take action and make sure they have all the facts before jumping to conclusions.
6 - THE ROMANTIC
6's are idealistic and need to feel useful to be happy. A strong family connection is important
to them. Their actions influence their  decisions. They have a strong urge to take care
of others and to help. They are very loyal and  make great teachers. They like art or music.
They make loyal friends who take the friendship  seriously. 6's should learn to differentiate
between what they can change and what they cannot.
Famous 6's: Albert Einstein, Jane Seymour, John Denver, Meryl Streep, Christopher Columbus,  Goldie Hawn
7 - THE INTELLECTUAL
7's are the searchers. Always probing for hidden information, they find it difficult to accept things at face value. Emotions don't sway their  decisions. Questioning everything in life, they don't like to be questioned themselves. They're never off to a fast start, and their motto is slow and steady wins the race. They come across as philosophers & being very knowledgeable, and sometimes as loners. They are technically  inclined and make great researchers uncovering information. They like secrets. They live in their own world and should learn what is acceptable and what not in the world at large.



8 - THE BIG SHOT
8's are the problem solvers. They are  professional, blunt and to the point, have good
judgment and are decisive. They have grand plans and like to live the good life. They take charge
of people. They view people objectively. They  let you know in no uncertain terms that they are
the boss. They should learn to exude their decisions on their own needs rather
than on what others want.
               Famous 8's: Edgar Cayce, Barbra Streisand, George Harrison, Jane Fonda,                                                          Pablo Picasso, Aretha Franklin, Nostrodamus



9 - THE PERFORMER
9's are natural entertainers. They are very  caring and generous, giving away their last
dollar to help. With their charm, they have no problem making friends and nobody is a stranger
to them. They have so many different  personalities that people around them have a
hard time understanding them. They are like chameleons, ever changing and blending in. They
have tremendous luck, but also can suffer from extremes in fortune and mood. To be successful,
they need to build a loving foundation.
               Famous 9's:  Shirley MacLaine, Elvis Presley,  Harrison Ford, Jimmy Carter,

When she was just a girl
She expected the world
But it flew away from her reach so
She ran away in her sleep
And dreamed of
Para-para-paradise
Every time she closed her eyes.-coldplay-

****
It's a fact, It's a force of nature, It's a circle of life.

here comes the dawn
here comes the day
here comes the evening
here comes the night.
and it goes again and again.

Then you realize
yesterday is past and today is present and tomorrow is uncertain.
thus live TODAY as it is the PRESENT.
let go the past as it is irreversible
don't wait for tomorrow as it is uncertain.

Ones always have problems--
if you don't have problems than here's my pity
as problem is necessity
life is not always pretty and prissy
life i not always hard and dirty
life is full of irony.
Oh how irony, how irony.

"we wait we hope we wish.That is life" 

Life goes on, it gets so heavy

We run and we hide, and we wish to be seek.

Waiting to be notice by.......you.

Hoping and waiting to be forgiven.

we miss our pure child heart. Oh how we use to wish someone is waiting for us.

we keep hoping tomorrow will be kinder.

I am me. And I will keep searching for me.

-----
You don’t have to do this on your own
Like there’s no one that cares about you
You don’t have to act like you're alone
Like the walls are closing in around you

You don’t have to pretend no one knows
Like there’s no one that understands you
I’m not just some face you used to know
I know all about you

And you should know that someone cares about you
I know all about you
And you should know that someone cares about you
I know all about you

And you say that it's alright
And I know that it’s a lie
From the black in your eyes

The sunset always set my heart to a feeling that am longing for something...just something.
And I don't know what it is---
I hope I'll find what ever it is one day.



Have you ever look around you and see life? Just life.......how it moves and how we moves along it.
I know it sound corny but its how I feel...it how I see it. And the only word that I found justified to explained what it is that I saw is "Life"

Yesterday, I saw "it" again: Life.
While strolling around to go to my mother's friend's house. I just saw it.
There is this two people riding a bike just beside my car and the biker turn to me and I just saw it. The look of life.
Then I wonder why do we live our life like this?
The look of the biker is nothing more then expression of tiredness, glint of discouragement.
Why?
We go to work, we earn money, we buy things, we do exactly this again and again. Sometimes it is easy for some people sometimes it is harder. But the glint of bafflement is there. Why we let our life be like this? The discouragement is too much. Its painful for me to see. I am tired. Why do I see it?

"In three words sum up everything I've learned about life: It goes on..." -Robert Frost

The weirdness in me can be very tiring sometimes...

Sejak habis belajar hampir sebulan yang lalu, saya sudah kembali kepada habit baca, baca dan baca sampai tak ingat dunia. (ape ke sengalnya aku ni start entry blog ngan ayat cam gini...ingat ni karangan BM zaman dulu kala...............)

Its been a while now huh...i miss you. really miss you.
Do you even know why?
No you don't...lemme tell you why.
Because this is the only place where i can say what i want and i don't have to worry anyone might listening. well yeah..they read

I have a lot going on in my life and things that just bundled in my mind that I just want to pour it out into this blog. But---
I dunno its like there is an external darkness forces just won't lemme do it.
Am i possess?? NAHHHH....
its just a common symptoms of a very common diseased. Lazy.

I've been vlogging a lot and they...vloggers are super awesome and 'F word' fun to watch. They are simply amazing. They just inspired people in their own quirky way.

 One of them said this which inspired me

"Be yourself. Because that is the best version of you that you can be." -RED- 

It has been a rocky week for me and beloved mother. No metter. Dont wanna touch that issue. (Penat nangis) walaupun muka ganas...perangai ganas....hati lembut. cehhhh 

Nasib lerrrr belog..........................ko dapat tuan macam aku. Busy memanjang. Nak buat macam mana tak lama lagi nak naik pangkat secara official jadi YB tanam anggur kat kampung ni haaaa. sebelum boleh naik pangkat kena la buat paper work dulu which is thesis yang tak berkesudahan. Tuan kau ni belog sampai tidur pun ingat thesis..thesis..thesis. Aku dah khatam buku Econometric tu tiga empat kali dah. Gujarati is the name yang memang sampai mati aku ingat! bukan nak puji diri sendiri. tapi kalau ya pun apa salahnya. suka hati akulah kannnn. Watsoever! Yang pasti thesis aku dah hampir siap and hopefully advisor yang tersayang taklah suruh aku edit paper tu lagi..............tak mampu dah. berapa hari actually almost two weeks now aku tak cukup tidur. Oh My God--!! I'm turning into ZOMBIE!! ZOMBIE!! ZOMBIE!!

**Okay okay cukuplah setakat ini update diari hidup McDreamy.

20/05/2013

Kenapa ni?
Huh?
Dah duk tersengih sengih sorang sorang...bukan ada orang buat lawak pun. (kerut-kerut dahi)
hehehehe sengih sengih lagi. Memangla xnampak orang buat lawak tapi boleh dengar orang buat lawak. masuk la kereta dulu dengar radio ni. haishhh xgila lagi lah.
---------begitulah kisah mcDreamy dgn membernya pagi itu----------

Saya ada ramai pemuja rahsia (secret admirer) tapi xde yang berani nak datang mengaku kat saya depan-depan. ni bila saya dah berpunya barulah nak datang.

adoiyaiiiiii.........ni perasan namanya bang.

Setiap hari pemuja rahsia saya datang ke tempat saya kerja which is restoran. dia datang pakai sut merah. dia naik motor besar. dia pilot.

macam mana tahu laki tu pemuja rahsia awak kak oiii? bukan laki tu pemuja rahsia awak. awak tu pemuja rahsia laki tu. adehhhh sadis betul.

pemuja rahsia definitely one beautiful thing as long as it doesn't go overboard. and you do it the right way. i know nothing bout love but i really believe loving someone wouldn't be wrong. And there are lots of ways to love someone. (eventhough i never believe in love but i never deny the truth in it)

I am not shy. I'm private.

Nak berpuisi tak pandai
Nak nyanyi tak berbakat
Nak melukis tak berseni
Nak gubah lagu langsung jauh sekali
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-

>>>>>>>>>>>>Maaf saya tak mampu nak buat awak rasa istimewa seperti semua diatas
-
-
-kerana saya bukan mereka
-
-
---tapi saya mampu buat satu benda,

___________Saya mampu sayang awak beyond say_______________
___________Saya mampu sayang awak lebih dari  'Z'___________ .





Oh my guard !!!
mc Dreamy is kidnapped by an alien from Mars full-stop.
and now changed into mcJiwang.....give me back mcDreamy pliss mr.Alien sir.

I wish I
          was better at telling people
                              how I really Feel.

I wish I
           was better than yesterday Me.

I wish I
           am wiser than i
                        used to be.

I wish I
           'knows' God a little more earlier.

I wish I
           could keeps all my promises.

I wish I
          let go.

I wish I
           was better at knowing Me self.

I wish I
           was better at handling my temper.

I wish I
           .........won't go back to dark side of Me.

I wish I
           there will be no more mirror.

I wish I
           knows.
       

haaaa penah tak dengar al kisah ni?

kalau lah kan..just kalau kot kot nak lah dengar kisah botol air terbang. silalah berbuat sedemikian:

 # jalan-jalan kehulu kehilir sambil otak yang blur tak tahu nak buat ape. kemudian, nampak rakan sekerja yang tengah berserabut kepala sebab banyak kerja yang tak patut dan pening dengan kerenah manusia yang pelbagai. hadirkan diri sendiri dihadapan rakan itu dan tanya soalan yang tak berapa nak bernas. kemudian, jalan-jalan lagi.....dan masih tak tahu nak buat ape. hadirkan diri dihadapan rakan yang serabut tadi dan tanya lagi soalan yang lagi tak berapa nak bernas dan berulang-ulang kali soalan itu di ajukan. dan konfem lah kali ketiga pegi jalan-jalan dan pergi kacau orang yang serabut tadi tu------memang dapat botol air melayang kat muka. sekian.

**kejadian ini adalah kisah benar dan hampir-hampir melihat botol air tu melayang . dan saya adalah saksi** and i never laugh as hard as i laugh during the moment.

Not much really to say...
Mesti orang yang pernah baca blog ni rasa not worth it. Dah la tak kenal sape si pimilik blog. Well the thing is am not the type of person yang suka disclosed myself especially to gain fame or whatsoever. I am a very simple person yang suka simple life that have a like life and i love my like life and i don't want a crowded life. Mesti orang baca entry aku pun tertanya kan sapaaa lah budak "mc Dreamy" nim kan.......owh well i am not a very out person. like i said once in my other post that am kind of introvert sikit. Well i like it! But i also believe that i ramble bout my life and other crappy thing so on and on but not knowing the the "mc Dreamy" is kind da not right. Hentah-Hentah aku nim penjenayah cyber pown mane lah tahu kan. hahahaha
What so ever....here goes a little something bout "mc Dreamy".  I am a girl. I live almost for 21 years turning 22 if sempat. She love reading books. She has a crazy obsess with games, computers/internet and books. She love love love chocolate especially van houten. She love silence. She has a very very very super bad temper which is super not good quality...She has great trouble in handling her temperament. She's struggling to handle her moodiness. She's working hard not to be someone Allah despise. She love Allah more than anything in this world. She believes in God so much. She believe that the only thing she have in her life forever is Allah S.W.T. She has many bad qualities but it doesn't mean she's not good.  She believes that the journey of life is all about trying to search herself. She love Muhammad S.W.T dearly. She love her mother endlessly. She has a trust issue. Basically she is weird and it seems she is pretty mess up. And she is "mc Dreamy" and she is me. She question herself more than she should sometimes. Ada orang cakap aku bijak and nak jadi macam aku. Tell you what you should be grateful tak jadi macam aku. I am pretty mess up. Thinking a lot can be very tiring. Knowing too much can hurt sometimes.

Fuhhh memang panas ngatngatngat sekarang. Bukan mengeluh tetapi bertahan. Aku hanyalah manusia biasa yang tidak pernah puas dengan ape yang ku dapat. Sejuk hujan susah, panas sangat susah...adeyyy. Tapi lagi panas apabila satu geng diorang beratur bergerak dengan bahagianya. Semua pandangan aku tak nampak. Gelap masa hadapan betol la. Bila diorang bergerak bersama-sama dengan comelnya menyebabkan aku si manusia yang sangatlah ada masalah isu baran makin menjadi-jadi panasnya. Mana tak nya kalau sekali gerak 5 6 biji trailers atas jalan. Jalan beratur seGeng atas jalan gerak dengan penuh kecomelan terkedek-kedek. Aku dah la dengan kereta kelisa yang halus comel molek ni~~~ memang gelap terus masa depan aku. Dosa aku pun naik berkilo-kilo adoiiiiii.....memangla diorang buat keje diorang tapi tolong la jangan berjalan bersama-sama satu Geng. Kasihanlah kami yang kenot-kenot ni ni nak gerak jugak. Dah la suhu tak menentu, kesihatan badan pun jadi tak berapa nak menentu, balik keje=penat lagi, bawak kereta balik rumah yang makan masa sejam lagi tuuu.... ni tambah pulak diorang seGeng berjalan dengan comelnyaa. Yang sejam balik rumah jadi 2 jam... arghhhhhh.

Bukan merungut, bukan mengeluh, bukan membenci....tetapi aku manusia yang cuba untuk bertahan. 

I never knew that Time has wings really... it flies you know. God, it flies fast. I can't seem to feel it espacially with me life getting busier. Penat nya lah hai hidup. "bukan mengeluh tetapi bertahan". ayat ni sampai mati kot aku pakai....ayat kawan aku. aku cilok takpe kan~~

well where to start...
hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
big hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm


i love white roses and for the last 21 years of living i had receive three white roses
ooppsss from my beloved dearest friend okai..
and i am supposed to feel happy or at the very least over zealous. however i don't.
i am so so very very sorry.
i want to. really want to. but i don't. i can't rather. i don't know what's wrong. its just the it is. its like that.

when  my grade is down i just like okay. "takpe lah nak buat macam mana mode". its always like that. then i'd be asking me self ummm shouldn't i be sad or something. only then i would think for a moment then i'd be sad. It would last for like...let see umm 15 minutes at most. Gosh i am weird.
However i would be more and more reserved bout What i feel How i should feel Whent i should feel. i'd think it over then the feeling kind of exposed themselves. well thank god i am officially not normal. fuhhhh

i love chocolate. so so so very very much. whenever i want to study there should be a gazillion of chocolate stock! like i would die without it. my head will explode from excessive usage and no choco support for my mental health. well thank you to whom ever founder of chocolate or creator of chocolate. Thanks a lot man.

i love tom yum! uhuhuhu hot and spicy just like me. 0.0
love it. love it. one word to describe my feeling towards tom yum's creator. you HOT!

i love internet. i don't know or rather said i can't even imagine my life with out internet. Oh my it would be speechless world. another thank you internet creator. you Geek the life man.

well life is short just to see and list the bad side of you.
you are full of good and you know it. aren't i right bloggy. i'm always right and i know it.

live your life, everybody else's is already taken.
be yourself as everybody else is not available.

none the less you see what you want to see. you feel what you want to feel.
we left when we feel like its time to leave. its gone. i'm positive.
its better that way. its painful and i think God finally hear me out. now it felt-- nothing.

how people use to say time cure the wound and eventually we'll get over it. well no. they are totally wrong. or either they are lying to themselves just to make an excuse to live. time doesn't cure anything. its you.
you want to be cured you decide. i don't feel it anymore. in fact i don't feel anything anymore other than the basic.
 i cry. i smile. i laugh. but its not there anymore. i guess its time.
its time to say byebye.


i feel the reality now--
 my speech is done. i no longer have words to write.
its painful yet there are no single blood.
we move on we live.

how people say life is short so live fully while you can.
well i am glad its short. its already hard enough.
grateful as i can.
thankful as i can be.
but i am merely human.
i am not and i don't want to be perfect.
i screwed up.
i am living. still.




don't think about it so you can live. not running away. just trying to survive.

IF LOVE IS REAL I WANT IT TO SOUND JUST LIKE THIS...
would it?
i doubt i will though..well its for the better.


My harbor has a boat in it,
The water makes it's way around it,
And when the sun shines down, 
The winds, they blow
And I miss you more!

Said I’m young, but I am yours, 
I am free, but I am flawed.
I am here in your heart,
I was here from the start.

The forest had a rock in it,
Roots and animals were blocked by it,
When they turned all their paws,
Changed to stone,
They lost their faith.

You said I am young but I am yours,
I am free, but I am flawed,
I am here in your heart,
I was here from the start. 

Then, when the rain came and settled on your skin
More like before and you let it all in,
To your heart, its the only part 
From the start, you'd set apart

You said I am young and I am yours,
I am free, but I am flawed
I am here in your heart,
I was here from the start.



Simple.Beuty.Deep.
Nothing but carved a smile on my face.
Super nice song. -box of stones-
Well I am a sucker for alternative slow song.

some things is just better to leave untouched
some things should just be ignored
some things is always like that...
only thing you can hope for is that God will forgive you.
the only treasure i have is-- God.
the only one by myside --God.
I need God and only--God.

hari ini hari bekerja. last day for the week. loving it. counting the hours to balik and enjoy freedom.

And here i am writing in my blog during the office hour.
why?
because i have no work.
at least that what i think.hmmm
i am awfully boring...

wowowo
here footstep...(bos kah?) buat muka.
my dear friend...pusing2 nope bukan bos.
sambung tulis blog. lalala

bukan niat untuk tidak beretika dalam bekerja tapi memang takde kerja.
hmmm what else to ramble here.
owh yeah i just learned that i start to curse a lot now.
its bad!! very bad!
still doing it. still working on being innocent again like old time~ (penah ke aku innocent????) haha

i've learned that the more you listen to someone the more you learn not about that person but about yourself.
we eventually will end up making comparison.

i've learned that more stubborn i am the more heartache i have to bear.
boo me.

i've learned that i am obnoxious little brat with a KLCC hight of ego.
boo me.

i've learned that  forgiving is very easy and i gave my forgiveness almost too easily
boo me? or good me? not sure.

i've learned that my maximum limit to study is one hour  per study not per day.
good me! know yourself better is good right?

oh yeah obvious one. i've learned that i am more or less a geek!
and i don't care.

i've learned that i am allergic to COLD.
weirdddddddddddd

i've leaned that i am a great observant but not so when i'm sleepy!
loss focus.

i've learned that i rather listen than talking.
talking is tiring.

i've just realize actually, that i love vegetables ever since i was a kids. it is very uncommon for a kids.
 i. am. so. weird.
makan nasi dengan sup sayur is so freaking delicious.hahahaha pelik la aku nim




why am i telling all this?

Dan hari ini, aku belajar lagi tentang diri aku.
hari-hari aku belajar untuk kenal diri aku. Pelik? tapi benar.
truth to be said i never really know ME. So I'm looking forward to know ME better.

I love books. Or rather said reading not just books but anything that catches my attention.  [kecuali study ngahngahngah]

I just realize how great coffee and Nescafe taste. How ummhhh hehe

I am not so talkative and I am more towards introvert. Takde la sampai tak bercakap ngan orang kan~
I love my own peace and quiet life. hahaha I guess I am a loner.  I feel like i'm becoming more or less like a hermit. hahahaha. Oh well its not a bad thing. I think?

Yeah i love the sound of silent and my own quiet life. Oh God I am obviously a super BORING person and I just realize it now. Wooopsss

27/1/13
aku bukan anak yang baik
aku pernah menjadi punca mak aku menangis
dan aku menangis-

itu pun bertahun kemudian barulah
perasaan itu datang~
aku pun tak tahu kenapa tapi
aku agaknya kategori emotionless la kot
aku memang susah nak rasa apa-apa
tahu-tahu air mata aku mengalir-
]]

dan hari ni
di meja makan
dia menangis.

aku senyap, diam, bisu
aku tahu kenapa dia menangis
dan aku tahu siapa penyebabnya
dan aku tak mampu nak buat apa-apa

dan aku menangis
jahilnya aku
tak mampu nak mengubat hati mak sendiri

nak marah
amarah itu membawa binasa
dan aku sabar
tahan,tahan,tahan.
genggam buku lima kemas-kemas
nanti mak aku lagi sedih

]]]

aku pendosa
tapi aku kasih dan sayangkan
mak

sakit hati mak
aku pun sakit

melihat mak nangis
menyalahkan diri dia
atas
salah dan silap seorang anak.
dan aku kaku
emotionless.[haihhh apelah masalah aku]

anak itu boleh jadi madu kepada hati seorang ibu
tapi anak juga boleh jadi racun
yang membunuh ibunya dalam sekelip mata

amarah datang..
macam -macam persoalan
kenapa?
kenapa kau buat itu semua?
kenapa kau tak pakai otak?
kenapa?
kau dah tak ingat Allah?



aku sedih--

 just in couple of weeks before i found several videos or people call em "vlog" i think. well i don't know. whateveritis. here's the thing, i'm not really interested in the home video made at first. but then i just stumble upon a super great inspiring video. straight away fall in love with it. its started with one vlog really but then there's this recommendation thingy at your right side bar..you know youtube~ so, then i am bored and not interested in studying thus i watch it. at first it feel realy3333 awkward and super annoyed. i mean like how can they video themself... its just weird in any way i try to think about it. and i still do amaze by it i guess. however, i later then realize this kind of video actually help people in some ways even though in term of mannerism and language is not something that you should learn from em. haha
and in one of those vlog there's a video made by the video owner and her sister. which is super super super awesome! they are like crazy sisters. very close, make jokes bout literally anything at the same time respect each other and very chill. well i am jealous. i don't have that kind of relationship. its not that i don't have sisters, i do. but we are not that emmm how to say this...we love each other but we don't really like each other and we care bout each other but we don't talk much. maybe just me or maybe we are awkward.

just to say it must be nice to have someone knew you since birth and be close to em, share bout lot of thing, support each other, make jokes, crazy stupid one. hehe i am dreaming over something that not gonna happen. why i always do this to myself?~ dont misunderstand, i love my family really

Post kali ni untuk Jolene.
Jolene sahaja tau~



sesapa yang bernama Jolene ni agaknya musuh semua wanita tak pun wanita perampas bolehlah digelar Jolene ni. ngagagagaga. and yeah aku memang takde keje nak buat pegi translate lagu Mat Saleh kepada bahasa Melayu.(padahal esok lusa ade paper nim)

okay the thing is, it is a song bout the pretty bit** called Jolene.cool~
tells how you can't live without the man who's calling some other bit** name in his sleep
which is what the h***. watsoever~ the song is a kill. super great
And
i think i want to be Jolene rather than be the woman singing this song. (this sound as if i want to be a bit**... but no. its just that why go after a man that stupid enough to call other woman name in front of his girl. Daaaaaaaaaaaa)

Besides YOLO rite so lets be the one who hold the remote not being remoted by someone else.
and besides Jolene is Pretty so ofkos la nak jadi Jolene kannnn~


Tadaaa..Tadaa..Tadaaa....
Here's the original song Jolene but sung by not so original singer of the song. But still coolio