some things seems so unreachable

this is not some fancy fantasy

this is for something as easy as getting up and move

it's hard

go out.. do something

it's hard

no motivation and no mood 

how are you to go out and do something when you just dont have the motivation. 

it is a lot easy to call it lazy

but it's painful when you are fully aware of your self and frustrated by it

 mood

what do i do with you.

mood 

why is it so complicated for us

mood 

be nicer and be livelier

wish it was that easy to change our mood

There's always two sides

The inside

The outside

It's polar opposite

Too different

Sometimes it's too much

Then you became the spectator of the two side

It gets confusing

Everything went ambiguous so fast you barely grasp it--

It's scary..

The inside is loaded with differences 

So many angle

So many perspective

So many individuality 

The inside in one word is -- scary.

..

The outside is simple

Straightforward 

Easy

Nothing.

Too much nothingness it hurt

It's more hurt seeing it and realising how nothing it is. Empty

The outside is one word is -- scary.

 We're figuring things out. We'll manage.

I don't know how but We'll manage

We always does.

It is a lonely journey either way

With or without therapy

I am tired of all this.

I'll just do whatever comes.

I won't be bad

I am too coward to be one.

I won't be good

I'm too tainted to be one.

I'll just manage.

It is a lonely road regardless.

There's nothing.

It's empty.

It's not bad. It's just nothing.

It's been functioning fine

Today is hard

it's bound to happen
this day..
sooner or later
to come

i don't feel it
guilt
i don't feel it anymore

very human
but very inhumane

well is it?
abusing people is not right?
right?
is it?

i am going to hell anyway

sometime i wonder
is it because of me my mother became like this
sometime i wonder
is it because i left my mother alone she became like this
sometime i wonder
is it because i don't care enough of my mother that she became like this
sometime i wonder
if i realize a bit earlier maybe my mother won't be like this
sometime i self blame a lot
sometime feels like it is all my fault
sometime feels like it is not enough
i should've done better
it could've been better
sometime i feels all that
sometime i wonder about all that
sometime..