we used to look in the mirror and ask who is that?
i look like that?
we can never see us inside. for some reason we can never see us. that person is non existence inside. most of the inside is filled with this void. this blank space. that by day became very heavy...
.
she used to cry every night to sleep
she used to question her existence everyday
she still feel empty
but she is trying to live this life.
for once she want to stay alive.
for once she start hoping again.
a very small hope.
hope that she can stay alive without being miserable.
.
we need to work this together
we really need to communicate better.
whatever you're feeling we need to communicate better.
we can do this.
well we are trying right now aren't we?!
.
for once stop being a controlling bitch
for once stop trying to be perfect
for once!
.
can you at least stop being too sarcastic?
for once?
.
for once please stop fighting..
be nice.
be nicer to ourselves.
opinions is amazing but be nice
is it too much to ask?
.
this went haywire so fast
Pray is all i did
For few months i am stuck
I just became unproductive and just cannot do anything. I tried and it's just not working
Feeling burnout. Lead to feeling unproductive. Lead to self hate. Lead to depression.
All i did for few months is nothing. That's all i feel. I just couldn't bring myself to do my thesis or my work. It's painful to be in that state.
And for that few month i did what i can do. Pray.
I pray and pray and pray. Everyday asking god to help me. Because i can't help myself. I cried and cried and prayed. It sucks but never stop praying.
And one day last week i just have this thought came to me. "Just do this much everyday and that's enough" keep doing it. And start doing my thesis again. The power of prayers.
I just suddenly able to pick my self up and do my thesis again. Like magic..
That i believe is a way Allah is helping is me. And i am very thankful
some things seems so unreachable
this is not some fancy fantasy
this is for something as easy as getting up and move
it's hard
go out.. do something
it's hard
no motivation and no mood
how are you to go out and do something when you just dont have the motivation.
it is a lot easy to call it lazy
but it's painful when you are fully aware of your self and frustrated by it
mood
what do i do with you.
mood
why is it so complicated for us
mood
be nicer and be livelier
wish it was that easy to change our mood
There's always two sides
The inside
The outside
It's polar opposite
Too different
Sometimes it's too much
Then you became the spectator of the two side
It gets confusing
Everything went ambiguous so fast you barely grasp it--
It's scary..
The inside is loaded with differences
So many angle
So many perspective
So many individuality
The inside in one word is -- scary.
..
The outside is simple
Straightforward
Easy
Nothing.
Too much nothingness it hurt
It's more hurt seeing it and realising how nothing it is. Empty
The outside is one word is -- scary.
We're figuring things out. We'll manage.
I don't know how but We'll manage
We always does.
It is a lonely journey either way
With or without therapy
I am tired of all this.
I'll just do whatever comes.
I won't be bad
I am too coward to be one.
I won't be good
I'm too tainted to be one.
I'll just manage.
It is a lonely road regardless.
There's nothing.
It's empty.
It's not bad. It's just nothing.
