so self-confidence is there..

.

so-

.
one of those days-
it just came.
waking with no motivation
everything needs to be forced
it's like i have two brains
one wouldn't move. refused to function
another would force me to do things..be human.
this fight is constant. one of those days-
sometimes i don't even realize it's not healthy.
sometime i would realize it like a snap of a finger. it just dawns on me how unproductive i am. for how long have i been like 'this'? just sitting in my room do nothing. in this avoidance. it is like a black hole. the nothingness. nothing interest you. nothing. just to do basic thing just seems so... there's no word to describe it. then i try to reach out. but it's hard. my friends they are nice people. but i am sorry none of them is helping. it's back. well it's never been away. just it's getting worst again i think. the episode keeps coming more constant nowadays.
.
i guess it's time to get help.
i need to survive
i need to get out of it
it's just tiresome.
.
just go out they say
.
how i wish it was that easy. just to walk seems not happening without another part of me forcing me.
this constant internal fight. it is tiresome.
how i wish i could just go out do things.
.
i don't even know whether this is depression or not.
i don' even know whether this is normal or not
i don't even know maybe this is common
i don't care. i am just tired.