my heart die a little
but i'm still breathing
how strange.

head lose it's bearing a bit
but i'm still smiling
how sad.

it's okay. no one need to know you better than you know you. discover and accept the hardest fact about our self is the hardest thing to do. once you do you stand still, look pretty, be cool.

not everything we want we get
remember that.

16.4.2016 your heart die a bit again.

andai ku tahu kapan tiba ajalku
ku akan memohon tuhan tolong panjangkan umur ku
andai ku tahu kapan tiba masaku
ku akan memohon tuhan Kau jangan ambil nyawaku
aku takut akan semua dosa dosaku
aku takut dosa yang terus membayangiku
andai ku tahu malaikat Mu kan menjemput ku
izinkan aku mengucap kata taubat padaMu
aku takut akan semua dosa dosa ku
aku takut dosa yang terus membayangi ku
ampuni aku dari segala dosa dosa ku
ampuni aku menangis aku bertaubat padaMu
aku manusia yang takut neraka
namun aku juga tak pantas di syurga
andai ku tahu kapan bila ajalku
izinkan aku mengucap kata taubat padaMu
aku takut akan semua dosa dosa ku
aku takut akan dosa yang terus membayangi ku

*************
aku yakin andailah iman itu boleh diukur
iman aku takkan lebih lebarnya dari seutas benang takkan panjang sepanjang segulung benang
dan andailah dosa itu boleh diukur
aku yakin dosa aku lebih besar dari gunung-ganang dan lebih panjang dari jalan-jalan tak berpenghujung
*************
orang kata setiap tahun kena ada azam supaya diri lebih baik
aku tak pernah berazam "andai malaikatMu datang menjemputku tahun ini, aku takut tetapi aku redha dan bersedia untuk berjumpaMu"
orang kata kita akan rindu kekasih hati dan tak sanggup berjauhan
tetapi aku sentiasa melupakan kekasih yang Satu bahkan takut jika aku dipanggil berjumpaMu.
orang kata bila kita sayang, semua yang dia nak kita turuti
tapi aku, semua yang Kau nak aku lewa-lewakan

Bila datangnya ujian..perih jerih rasa
Kejahilan dalam diri mula berleluasa
mempersoalkan kenapa..mengapa
Banyak sangat kah dosa?
Andai Yang Maha Esa disebelahku..ku yakin Engkau akan menjawab "Ya banyak tapi sayangKu lebih besar dari dosamu. Maka aku turun kan ujian kerana Aku rindukan kau."
Tapi betapa matinya hati
betapa jahilnya akal
tidak dapat melihat sebenar benar kebenaran.
**************
Engkau berfirman
Muhammad bersabda
satu hari kiamat seribu tahun dunia
**************
Akal diberi dan diguna
dikiralah satu jam empat puluh empat minit
masa diberi untuk mengumpul amal
kukuhkan iman
**************
Sepanjang 60 tahun hidup manusia
Setiap minit itu beramalkah kita?
kenalkah siapa tuhan kita?
1 jam 44 minitkah masaku?
Dimana aku nanti?
**************
Mati itu pasti
**************
Ajarlah hati untuk takut hanya kepada Allah
ajarlah hati untuk mengejar hanya cinta Allah
ajarlah hati untuk cukup hanya dengan Allah



::one of the longest thread I've wrote.tahniah. dan tahniah kepada sesiapa yang tabah dan tawadduq baca sampai habis::

How innocent one can be
it come and it goes
leaving the stain of butterfly touch
It may be just a touch
and just a memory to keep.
I might never feel this again tomorrow
I'll treasure this present and live to enjoy the present.

*********
Is it beautiful? Is it childish?

“Remember to always be yourself. Unless you suck.” 
― Joss Whedon

:: just so you know belogie I love this quote so damn much. kekekeke

**************

I just have to let it out. I realize I have this problem or syndrome or habit i don't know.. anyhow the issue is I found that I am very stingy.. a stinger. I think. I just don't want someone or anyone to find out about certain things. Like I have a great song in my playlist or a great books that I read. And I hope to God no one else knows about it. It's so good that I don't want to share.

What is my problem?!! jeeshh

This may also because of my introvertness- I think. I just love to keep things to myself. I love sharing my thought but there some things just so precious I don't want anyone to find it. It's such a great deal when I share...meaning that I have given certain time to think whether to share it or not. I have to fight with myself just to share something not even mine actually. HAHAHA what is my problem belogie?? I am just so effing weird. And I know it and it makes it much more weirder!

:: so many weird word used today. My English teacher will be very unhappy about this.

a memory to keep is a small things that make you realize who you really are.

I'm too tired to smile again And I'm too hurt to ever be friends There's no use in lying again And I'm too bruised to fight anything I'm so tired of being afraid And I'm so sick of wasting away And there's no truth in whatever you say You tore my heart out again and again I can feel you in my chest You're suffocating every breath And I can't scream and shout anymore Anymore, Anymore, Anymore And maybe I'll jump ship Cut my losses cash my chips I can sail alone, leave that love that I've called home And I will call your bluff Hope to god that it's enough Though it cuts my soul It's the only thing I've ever known You tore out my heart

-tiny little house-

One day someone break our heart

the longer you live
the larger your sin
the more you learn
the heavier your insecurities
******************************

one sheep two sheep.. one blink two blink and here we are; in this page talking to each other realizing how we have aged. You know when you are aged when you read or heard the latest technology or celebrity that you never ever ever heard of...you know you are old when you reach tot he point what is this kids doing?? (latest trend).

Beloggi, my dear friend we're old. Oh my...when did we get here? How time pass huh.. One thing never change though..I still get sick like crazy as per usual. I know you're not shock no more by this. People said time heals..NAHHHHH time heal nothing. I like to think am strong but when it hit you hard, it's kinda hurt to realize you're not as strong as you thing you are. Just to keep something.. a memory to remind me later...I'm just human with so many lacking and am a senior now -__-

********

Anyway,
Life must go on. Project creating as much memory as possible has begun! muahahahaha
Hiking on three freaking gunung in a day is pertty cool huh.. with a cold somemore.
A big applause to ME!! Malaysia is full of amazing places we're just so blinded by this normalcy and stereotype living. Well maybe I'm a bit late in taking an action to live better create my own memory that I want to keep but hey I did take that first step right. Thank god am weird.