I sometime wonder why I even bother.
I can't even feel-

***********

Skylar Grey never cease to amaze me.

I will love the light for it shows me the way--
yet I will endure the darkness because it shows me the stars.

--Welcome to Your Life
   there's no turning back
   even while we sleep
   we will find you.---


Nothing make sense
why we do what we do

How we start to lie.
then another lie..
just last one..last lie.
then on top lie..we lie again.
it's a never ending until we accept who we are.

Run.
run from the possible answer.
the answer is always there
we ask, just hoping that there is other answer.
whereas the answer never going to change.
we know it deep.

The sad truth
acceptance of one self.
The guilt.
what the hand able to do.
The dirtiest thing.
seems too easy.
The light
one day it come and we turn back.

In the end
we only regret
the chance we didn't take.

Life is nothing but kafkaesque.

"Trying to be better me today then yesterday"

It lies within..
To be or not to be..
Who am i
What am i
I know what i know
I don't know what i don't know

Family
Culture
Atmosphere
Is not Religion
Is not me
As I am me.
--
Yes, it plays major part of ones life
Yes, it is important
Yes, it is
Yes, it is
Yet it is not me.

I am not you
I try to understand you
Thus
Try to understand me

Different is not a monster
Different is not weakness
Different is not devil

I chose to differ
I chose to differ
I chose to differ

I cried
I hate
I fall

Thus..

I pick myself back up
I learn to smile
I learn to laugh
I learn to love
I look up
I seek the Truth.

Life is learning.
Harder it get
More ones gain.
Stronger ones became.
Better ones be.

This is the block that builds Me.

I don't get high, but sometime I wish I did.

No one gets too old to learn a new way of being stupid.

*****
area pukul 4 pagi kot..tersedar dari tidur. tersedar dari mimpi
tersedar je..aku perasan mulut aku sedang bertakbir
ingatkan dalam mimpi jer bertakbir
rupanya memang real life pun bertakbir jugak.

MIMPI:
lokasi rumahku
terbangun dari tidur
che (mak) pun terbangun tidur
rasa macam tak selesa..macam ada sesuatu yang serba tak kena
cakap kat mak keluar la tengok ape benda kat luar bilik
mak cakap tak berani jugak.
aku dan che (cam se geng lak bunyi nya) hikhik
keluar bilik nak tengok ape jadi...
round lah satu rumah, tak de ape pun.
masuk bilik balik--
sekali teringat eh xtutup lampu kat ruang tamu
keluar balik bilik--
sekali semua lampu tutup
gelap gelita--
kemusykilan melanda
jantung dah macam nak pecah berdebar
sekali che cakap..
keluar la tengok ape..kenape
aku jalan depan
che jalan belakang aku
rumah nya besau...kenapalah~~ (lain kali buat rumah kecik je)
jalan lah nak pergi dekat main suis
jalan dengan penuh berdebar
ntah dari mana datangnya semangat
berani
dan tiba2 bertakbir
sepanjang perjalanan (rumah aku mmg besar)
rasa meremang bulu roma
rasa macam ada benda
rasa tak selesa tapiiiii
takde pape
lepas pasang balik suis tu...lampu on balik.
lega~~
pusing belakang tengok che.

che:
kau tak nampak pape ke?
aku:
tak. kenape?
che:
che je lah nampak eh....
aku:
nampak ape? berdebar
che: che nampak tiga orang lelaki berjubah putih berkopiah jalan sekali dengan kau sepanjang jalan tadi.
aku:
che tak tanya ke dia?
che:
che tengok jer..nak tanya jugak. tapi lelaki tu pusing tengok che dia senyum jer. sepanjang kau bertakbir..dia ada lah sekali bertakbir.
aku:
okayyyy...biar je lah.(ayat favorat)

rasa pelik lagi...
aku dan che keluar bilik lagi..
kali ni memang pelik. che macam berdebar sangat
aku bertakbir lagi dengan penuh berani
tengok mata asu che! (bertakbir bertakbir bertakbir)
mata che makin lama makin berubah
light coklat makin lama makin jadi warna pelik
makin lama makin jadi warna kuning..
makin lama makin besar...
aku bertakbir bertakbir bertakbir
HAH
buka mata terus...mulut bertakbir lagi.

then lari pergi tidur dengan mak..hahahahha. (penakut hangit)


azan subuh:
celik je mata..
keluar bilik..
happy birthday to you
happy birthday to you..
che bawak kek birthday.
adoiii..mamai mamai
bukan nak tiup lilin
sibuk je aku menanya..bila beli kek? beli kat mana?
kena marah....
tiup lilin.

YEAY.....
feeling 22
feeling Ohsem
feeling freak
feeling great
feeling gruesome gooood
feeling annoyed
feeling sad
feeling roartastic
feeling sick....

bilalah nak hilang sakit ni. bukan nak mengeluh. just nak mengadu.
bukan pada orang lain... just need to let it out.

1 - THE ORIGINATOR
1 's are originals. Coming up with new  ideas and executing them is natural. Having things their
own way is another trait that gets them as being stubborn and arrogant. 1's are extremely honest
and do well to learn some diplomacy skills. They like to take the initiative and are often leaders or bosses, as they like to be the best.. Being self-employed is definitely helpful for them. Lesson to learn:  Others' ideas might be just as good or better  and to stay open minded.

2 - THE PEACEMAKER
2's are the born diplomats. They are aware of  others' needs and moods and often think of
others before themselves. Naturally analytical  and very intuitive they don't like to be alone.
Friendship and companionship is very important  and can lead them to
be successful in life, but on the other hand they'd rather be alone than in an uncomfortable
relationship. Being naturally shy they should learn to boost their self-esteem and express
themselves freely and seize the moment and not  put things off.
3 - THE LIFE OF THE PARTY
3's are idealists. They are very creative, social, charming, romantic, and easygoing. They
start many things, but don't always see them through. They like others to be happy and go to
great lengths to achieve it. They are very  popular and idealistic. They should learn to see
the world from a more realistic point of view.

4 - THE CONSERVATIVE
4's are sensible and traditional. The like order  and routine. They only act when they fully
understand what they are expected to do. They  like getting their hands dirty and working hard.
They are attracted to the outdoors and feel an  affinity with nature. They are prepared to wait
and can be stubborn and persistent. They should  learn to be more flexible and to be nice to
themselves.

5 - THE NONCONFORMIST
5's are the explorers. Their natural curiosity,  risk taking, and enthusiasm often land them in
hot water. They need diversity, and don't like  to be stuck in a rut. The whole world is their
school and they see a learning possibility in every situation. The questions never stop. They
are well advised to look before they take action and make sure they have all the facts before jumping to conclusions.
6 - THE ROMANTIC
6's are idealistic and need to feel useful to be happy. A strong family connection is important
to them. Their actions influence their  decisions. They have a strong urge to take care
of others and to help. They are very loyal and  make great teachers. They like art or music.
They make loyal friends who take the friendship  seriously. 6's should learn to differentiate
between what they can change and what they cannot.
Famous 6's: Albert Einstein, Jane Seymour, John Denver, Meryl Streep, Christopher Columbus,  Goldie Hawn
7 - THE INTELLECTUAL
7's are the searchers. Always probing for hidden information, they find it difficult to accept things at face value. Emotions don't sway their  decisions. Questioning everything in life, they don't like to be questioned themselves. They're never off to a fast start, and their motto is slow and steady wins the race. They come across as philosophers & being very knowledgeable, and sometimes as loners. They are technically  inclined and make great researchers uncovering information. They like secrets. They live in their own world and should learn what is acceptable and what not in the world at large.



8 - THE BIG SHOT
8's are the problem solvers. They are  professional, blunt and to the point, have good
judgment and are decisive. They have grand plans and like to live the good life. They take charge
of people. They view people objectively. They  let you know in no uncertain terms that they are
the boss. They should learn to exude their decisions on their own needs rather
than on what others want.
               Famous 8's: Edgar Cayce, Barbra Streisand, George Harrison, Jane Fonda,                                                          Pablo Picasso, Aretha Franklin, Nostrodamus



9 - THE PERFORMER
9's are natural entertainers. They are very  caring and generous, giving away their last
dollar to help. With their charm, they have no problem making friends and nobody is a stranger
to them. They have so many different  personalities that people around them have a
hard time understanding them. They are like chameleons, ever changing and blending in. They
have tremendous luck, but also can suffer from extremes in fortune and mood. To be successful,
they need to build a loving foundation.
               Famous 9's:  Shirley MacLaine, Elvis Presley,  Harrison Ford, Jimmy Carter,